


Evil Overlord Sheppard

by graceandfire



Series: Evil Overlord Sheppard [1]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-25
Updated: 2010-02-24
Packaged: 2017-10-07 13:06:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/65429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graceandfire/pseuds/graceandfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Sheppard is High Lord of the Planet Leiath in the Pegasus Galaxy. Rodney's away team gets captured by John's soldiers. Started out as an attempt to write EVIL John Sheppard but it came out more like completely non-evil, but snarky, John Sheppard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dr. Rodney McKay gave up his ineffectual struggles against the two alien goons dragging him towards what, based on prior experience, and wasn't it sad that he actually now had prior experience at being taken prisoner, was either a) a prison cell or b) the lair of some Evil Overlord.

While he was in better shape now than when he had first started these insane field missions through the Stargate he was still a scientist and not a soldier. The soldiers were all, sadly, either dead or unconscious. The ambush had hit them about ten minutes after they'd exited the Stargate. Lieutenant Ford, Sergeant Stackhouse and five other grunts he hadn't bothered to learn the names of, and okay he felt kind of bad about that now that they were probably dead, had gone down in a burst of precision energy blasts of some kind. The only reason he hadn't shared the soldiers' fate was that Ford had realized something was wrong right before the attack started and had used a precious second to shove Rodney behind a rock. Before Rodney even had a chance to fully comprehend the force of the attack, Ford and the others were on the ground and there were really big guns held by really big unknown alien soldiers being shoved into his face.

They had disarmed him before he'd even remembered he had a stupid gun and then force marched him into an airship of some kind which he'd noticed through his general terror was actually very advanced technologically, and he hadn't really meant to try and touch that panel, but the guard who'd given him the bruise on his face hadn't seen it that way. Rodney hadn't seen Ford or the others since he'd been hauled away and he had a sinking sensation that they were all dead and there was no one left to rescue him.

And so, here he was being hauled down a subdued hallway towards a double door with two guards standing at attention (ah, Evil Overlord's throne room then and not a prison cell). The guard on the right saluted the two mutants who were man-handling him. At least he was reasonably certain they weren't saluting him, although that would be pretty cool if the denizens of the planet decided he was actually a God or something although the chances seemed pretty slim since a) he was still being manhandled and b) people who had achieved the technology of flight were rarely the type to be fooled into thinking travellers through the Stargate were Gods.

Oh, and here they were in the throne room or, Evil Overlord's room, and uhm, Evil Overlord was pretty hot. Oh no, he did _not_ just think that. It was the stress, it was the stress making him slightly insane and he hadn't eaten since they had come through the Stargate and that had been at least an hour ago, at _least_, and he could feel the onset of hypoglycemia and okay now they were in front of Evil Overlord. Rodney tried to jerk his hand free from the goon on his right and was depressingly not surprised when absolutely nothing happened.

"What?" He snapped at right-side goon, his fear as always translating into condescending anger. "Do you think I'm going to attack your Evil Overlord or something? You took my only weapon! I'm surrounded! Don't you have something better to do? Some minions to boss around or something? Some villages to pillage?" He looked up and saw that Evil Overlord looked amused. Evil Overlord nodded to the soldiers who immediately released Rodney and stepped back one pace leaving Rodney the sole uneasy recipient of Evil Overlord's regard. Rodney stared back defiantly, or at least he hoped it was defiantly and opened his mouth to try and negotiate his way out of this. "Okay look, you have to let me go or else my people will blow your planet up."

Evil Overlord smirked at the threat. Smirked? What kind of Evil Overlord smirked anyway? Smiled diabolically yes, fine. But smirking? Actually, he didn't look all that evil. He was sitting on a throne type chair just like you would expect an Evil Overlord to do, okay, he was actually kind of slouching, and he was dressed in a uniform similar to the other soldiers, a slate blue sort of deal with a collar thingie. And his hair was...weird. It was a thick black and was sticking up all over the place. Did they have hair gel in the Pegasus Galaxy? Actually he kind of looked like one of the jocks who used to try to beat Rodney up in high school only older and hello, alien.

And again with the smirk.

Evil Overlord raised an evil eyebrow and drawled out "well, that might be kind of difficult for them to do since, you know, we captured your whole raiding party and no one knows where you are."

Dammit, Evil Overlord had a brain. Rodney hated that in an Evil Overlord.

He drew himself up in irritation. "First of all we were not a raiding party we were, are, peaceful travellers."

"Carrying weapons?" Evil Overlord raised his evil eyebrow again as one of his Evil Minions handed him one of the P-90's the Atlantis soldiers had all been carrying. Rodney winced and shouted "Careful with that!" He watched in apprehension as Evil Overlord casually inspected the weapon. It would be just his luck if the gun went off and he ended up shot by accident.

"And our weapons are for protection," Rodney muttered, watching resentfully as Evil Overlord casually found the release on the gun, removed the magazine and efficiently reloaded it all in about five seconds. It had taken Rodney several very painfully awkward training sessions with Ford to be able to do that and he still couldn't accomplish it that fast.

"And my people know what planet we're on. We have, uh, tracking devices amongst ourselves." Rodney added hastily.

"Really?" Evil Overlord looked back up at Rodney, interested. "Funny, 'cause our scans didn't show any tracking devices on you when we captured you for, you know, trespassing on our planet."

Rodney decided to ignore the first part of the sentence since, well, he was lying about the tracking devices although, really, that was a good idea and if he got out of this alive he was going to talk to Elizabeth and Colonel Sumner about some sort of implants. "I told you," Rodney repeated impatiently. "We're peaceful explorers. We didn't mean to trespass on your little planet. We're looking for trading partners. Give us back our possessions and we'll be happy to leave."

"Oooh, Peaceful Explorers," Evil Overlord nodded thoughtfully. "Right. Never heard that one before. Still," he mused, "I suppose it's possible."

Rodney felt himself relax slightly. Maybe he was a reasonable Evil Overlord. Maybe he would let them go and give them food. Maybe this would actually turn into the holy grail of planets and have coffee beans. And, oh, ZPM's.

"What's your name?"

  
That was safe to tell right? Rodney drew himself up to his full height. "I'm Dr. Rodney McKay. I am a scientist specializing in...."

"And what planet are you from?" Evil Overlord cut him off.

Rodney felt himself tense back up. "Uh," Rodney hesitated briefly. In the short time they'd been exploring the Pegasus Galaxy they'd learned that most of the worlds had heard of Atlantis and that the reactions were varied. It might be better not to mention Atlantis for now. "Earth, we're from a planet called Earth." He figured they would never have heard of it and it was safer than saying that they were from Atlantis. He was surprised, therefore, when he felt the Evil Overlord's previously amused interest sharpen to something much more intense and Rodney felt his stomach drop at being the sudden centre of such focused attention. It was like having a laser suddenly targeting you in its sights. A laser with messy hair.

"Earth," Evil Overlord repeated in a slow drawl. "That's...interesting." He considered Rodney for another long, searching moment before apparently reaching some sort of decision. He motioned for another soldier who had been standing to the right of his throne and murmured something to him. The soldier, a tall, older man who was another buff example of jock breeding at its finest frowned slightly and nodded before murmuring back "and the others?"

Rodney's head snapped up as sharp hope struck him. "Wait, others? Others? Are they okay? Are they alive?" He babbled out, looking hopefully back and forth between Evil Overlord and the other guy. "When my people come looking for us they'll trade for us. All of us," he emphasized. Please, God, let Ford and the others be alive.

Evil Overlord's eyes had never left Rodney's and now Rodney saw humour and that stupid smirk returning. "Is that before or after your people blow us up?"

"Yes, well, they'll probably be willing to negotiate first. But if you hurt us then they'll definitely blow you up," he snapped out. Dammit, negotiations weren't his field!

Evil Overlord smirked again and murmured an answer to the soldier that was too soft for Rodney to hear. The soldier nodded at the two goons and before Rodney could breathe out a protest they had him by the arms again and were dragging him back out the double doors. He frantically pulled against them but was as spectacularly unsuccessful as he had been the first time. He craned his neck around to look back at Evil Overlord who was watching him be led from the throne room with cool interest. "Wait!" He shouted desperately. "We're a very technologically advanced people, Evil Overlord! We can be useful trading partners. We can be allies!" The last was said to shut doors as he was led back into the hallway and towards another door.

Panic, which had been fluttering erratically around his system started to take over as the guards pulled him into some sort of elevator or lift system. One of the guards put a hand against a scanning pad and spoke a command "Sub-level 9." It didn't feel like they were moving but a light above them flashed a cool blue and Rodney was unceremoniously pulled out of the elevator onto a new floor. He was hauled off to the left and he tried to keep track of where they were going but he was very scared and, okay, now they were in front of another double door with two guards. Repeat of the salute and they were in what looked like someone's quarters. Someone's very nice quarters. Was this good or bad?

Wait, was that food over there?


	2. Chapter 2

John Sheppard, Imperial High Ruler of Leiath, blinked as the prisoner was dragged from the audience chamber. "Did he just call me 'Evil Overlord'?"

"Yes Sir. Perhaps it was a compliment," Garreth responded in that dry, sarcastic way that was one of the main reasons John kept him around. That, he was a kick-ass strategist and he'd trained John in the early days.

John smirked back. "Uh, huh." His expression got more serious. "Earth. Do you think they could be from _the_ Earth?"

"It's the first I've ever heard the planet name mentioned outside of the Prophecies," Garreth commented, excitement threading his voice if you knew how to read him.

"Huh. And all the prisoners are unharmed?" It was so much easier to negotiate when you didn't have to explain dead bodies.

"Yes sir," Garreth frowned in recollection. "Joss' team captured eight of them. Seven were stunned during the ambush and the eighth was the man who was brought to see you. He was hiding behind a rock. Ah, according to Joss, he wasn't very hard to capture." Actually Joss had said, 'my twelve year old niece could have held out longer.'

"The others all had a style of combustion rifle identical to the one you're holding along with some other toys that our weapons experts are having fun analyzing. This Doctor Rodney McKay had a single firearm but no rifle and no blades that we could find."

"Hmm, so maybe they were assigned to protect him."

"Possibly sir. Although he doesn't seem much like a leader or negotiator."

"No, but he was...interesting." In a flustered, panicking, yet still managing to be snarky way.

"Yes Sir," was Garreth's bland response.

"Anyway, he should be easy enough to break if we need to."

"Yes Sir." This time it was the plain, I agree Sir, instead of one of the many variety of sarcastic Sirs that Garreth held in his repertoire and used to frequent and excellent effect.

"The others are in the holding cells?"

"Yes Sir, they've been stripped of all weapons and devices and are being held in one of the larger cells. They should be waking up shortly."

"Good. Let me know when they're awake. I'll want to interview them first before I get back to McKay."

"Yes Sir." John could almost see Garreth's brain making a mental note, filing it away with all the other perfectly organized mental notes stored in his scary, scary brain.

"Earth Garreth," John grinned up at his first advisor. He'd always thought the prophecy was just a story. Okay, maybe it still was just a story. But it was a pretty interesting coincidence, their planet's name.

"Yes Sir," this time the Sir was almost reverent. For such a practical soldier, Garreth had always had a strong mystical bent.

"Earth."


	3. Chapter 3

John entered the holding block with Boyd and Boris as his escorts. Since his father and older brother had inconsiderately gotten themselves blown up three years ago, and he'd been forced onto the imperial throne, this had been one of the most irritating facts of life to get used to. As the Imperial High Lord's younger son he'd been allowed more leeway about escaping escorts. He'd even been allowed to lead off-world missions knowing, of course, that if he was ever captured his father wouldn't bother negotiating for his return as anything other than another common soldier to be rescued if possible, but if not...gee, too bad. But it had been so completely worth the risk to be able to experience that freedom. Now though, Garreth clucked at him like a mother hen and gave him 'very serious' lectures if he tried to get around without an escort. Oh well, at least he'd been able to get most of his escort detail to play Maka with him. He still owed Boyd forty credits.

The prisoners had been isolated in a separate cell block and John watched them stiffen as they became aware of his presence, several of them scrambling up from the floor to stand rigidly in response to the unknown threat. A young soldier, dark-skinned and tense, moved to the front of the cell, his hands gripping the front bars tightly. He stared at John intently as if trying to bore a hole to see into John's brain. "There was another man with our party. Kind of tall, brown hair. Is he okay?" The kid was trying to appear impassive but the worry leaked through.

John walked forward, ignoring the disapproving frowns of Boyd and Boris. Yeah, he was in grabbing distance of the kid but he wasn't worried. He was on his guard and he had enough confidence in his abilities as a soldier to defend himself against anything the kid could do. Besides, Boris was a crack shot. He studied the younger soldier and saw the frustration building in his dark eyes as John kept his silence.

The kid took a deep breath, obviously trying to stay calm. "Look we're peaceful explorers, alright? I'm Lieutenant Ford. I'm in charge of this team. We're just looking for trading partners. If we trespassed on your lands we apologize. We'll leave."

John raised an eyebrow at what was essentially the same thing Doctor Rodney McKay had said, only, the kid managed it with a lot less sarcasm.

John decided he liked the look of him. He smiled mildly. "Your other guy said your people would blow our planet up."

He watched Ford blink in surprise, relief quickly beaming out of his clean cut features. "Dr. McKay? He's alive? Oh, thank God," he breathed out thankfully. "And we really don't want to blow anybody up," he added hastily. "We're peaceful explorers."

"He said that too." John quirked an eyebrow. "After he threatened to blow us all up."

"Ah, heh," John watched Ford wince and offer him a weak smile. "Well, Dr. McKay's a scientist not a diplomat. He's a good guy though if you get past the arrogance." He shrugged. "And the condescension and, you know, the smug superiority."

John slipped on a grin. It was his, I'm just a soldier, experience camaraderie with me, grin, and he saw the younger soldier instinctively relax in response. "So what exactly are you looking to trade for?" John asked easily.

"Ah, food, primarily. And, uh, those pulse rifle things you guys shot us with were pretty cool." Ford figured he could only be turned down. If he could turn this around into an actual trading success with cool alien weapons then maybe Colonel Sumner wouldn't kill him for getting captured so easy.

"Uh huh, we might be able to do something about the food. The weapons, well, we'd have to like you a _lot_."

"We're a very likeable people sir," Ford responded earnestly.

John allowed a genuine smile to slip through and saw Ford relax a little more. "So what do you have to offer in return for our food and our weapons?"

"We've got advanced medicines and uh, you seem pretty technologically advanced, at least weapons wise. We could compare science and technology. Exchange knowledge, cultures," the kid added hopefully.

"Earth culture?" John asked in mild inquiry.

Ford blinked in surprise. "Uh, yeah. Dr. McKay told you we're from earth, huh? It's pretty far away from here but a really cool place."

John considered his next move as he suppressed the sudden giddy feeling at the confirmation that these people really were from a planet called Earth. "Are you authorized to negotiate trade settlements on behalf of your people?"

"I'm authorized to negotiate but I'd need to get final approval from my bosses before anything can be finalized." The kid, Ford, was sounding a lot more confident and a lot less grim now that he sensed they weren't in danger of immediate torture, slavery or death.

"Well, Ford, I think we could maybe do some trading." He watched a happy grin appear on Ford's face. It made him look about twelve. "Of course, final negotiations would need to take place on your homeworld," John added. "It's the way of our people," he lied easily when he saw Ford hesitate.

  
"Well, uh..." Ford stopped in consternation as he realized he didn't know who he was addressing.

"This is Imperial High Lord Sheppard, High Ruler of the Leiath people," Boris interjected, seeing the foreign soldier's quandary.

John resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the title. "Just call me Sheppard," he gave a self-deprecating smile.

Ford, whose eyes had widened at the title, continued. "Uh, like I said High Lord," at John's slightly narrowed gaze he hastily amended "I mean Sheppard, Sir, our home world is pretty far away and not reachable through your Stargate. However, I'm sure I could arrange to finalize negotiations at our current home base."

John tilted his head and studied Ford. Hmm. The prophecies said that Earth was a distant star reachable only through the Ancient's castle. Yup, he definitely wanted to see this base of theirs.

He aimed another smile at the younger man. "Lieutenant Ford, I think we can perhaps negotiate." He nodded to the soldier standing at attention by the door. "Camrey, have our," he nodded to the group of off-worlders, "_guests_ escorted to more appropriate quarters. Lieutenant Ford, you'll be welcome as my guest at dinner tonight."

Ford grinned. Things were looking up. Way up. The grin faltered as he remembered McKay. "Uh, Sheppard, I'd really like to see Dr. McKay, make sure he's okay and everything. Will he be in the guest quarters with us?"

Sheppard smiled agreeably back at Ford. "Eventually."


	4. Chapter 4

John headed down the corridor towards his quarters, tired but optimistic. The technology the off-worlders had brought with them had been intriguing. His scientists were practically having orgasms over some of the stuff. And he liked the look of Ford. The kid reminded him of some of the soldiers who'd served under him when he'd been a field commander. Young and enthusiastic, without the cynicism age and battle could bring. If the other people of earth were similar to Ford then they just might have a new ally in the fight against the Wraith. Now, if they were all like Doctor Rodney McKay...well, no, somehow he couldn't imagine a whole planet full of McKays. One seemed about right. Anyway, potentially valuable new allies with tech comparable to their own. Even if their Earth turned out to be unrelated to the Prophecies this could turn out to be a very good day for his people. Grinning, he neared his quarters, nodding at Devan and Anvers as he passed them. Entering his rooms he stopped short at the sight laid out before him. Literally.

Doctor Rodney McKay was tied to his bed frame.

Doctor Rodney McKay was tied to his bed frame, his big hands hauled up above his head and fastened to the headboard with standard issue manacles like a captive from the old times, waiting to be ravished. It was an interesting picture, and John felt his dick give a twitch of interest even though the man was still dressed in his uniform down to his boots. What could he say, he was a man of strange tastes. He studied the obviously very unhappy prisoner and wondered what McKay had done to piss off Lars and Larnack. The two guards who had escorted McKay down had a twisted sense of humour sometimes and they were not afraid to use it.

McKay returned his surprised stare with a glare of his own and immediately began complaining.

"Look, I don't know anything and torture won't work on me. And tying me up and taunting me with food is just vicious." He nodded angrily towards the bread, fruit, cheese and cake the staff had laid out on one of the side tables. "I'm hypoglycemic you know. If I go into low blood sugar shock before I can tell you anything, not that I'm going to tell you anything, but if I were then it would be your own stupid fault. I'm a scientist and...the Geneva convention, not that you know what the Geneva convention is, but it's a very helpful treaty that you could probably learn a lot from and...what are you doing?!" He shrieked, his voice going up a full register.

John quirked an eyebrow in surprise and stopped half-way out of his uniform jacket. "I'm taking off my jacket?" He asked slowly. It's what he normally did when he was in his quarters and, well, McKay's ranting was kind of amusing so he wanted to let it run out before he released him.

"Oh great!" Doctor Mckay shook his head in disgust. "This is just perfect! You're not only an Evil Overlord but you're a _Gay_ Evil Overlord aren't you? _Aren't_ you? I've heard about this kind of thing from SG-1. Dr. Jackson alone has gotten kidnapped by amorous aliens so many times that I think there's a t-shirt about it."

John frowned in genuine confusion. "You think I'm a Happy Evil Overlord?" He shook his head as he let his uniform jacket drop onto one of the chair backs and casually grabbed a few Casta berries, popping them into his mouth one at a time as he studied the very strange man tied to his bed.

McKay rolled his eyes in disgust. "No, you idiot, not gay as in happy, gay as in into guys! Literally!"

"Oh," John nodded, understanding dawning. "Well," he considered. "Then I'd have to say you're right," he agreed. "I am a Gay Evil Overlord. You have a problem with that?" He grinned as the scientist immediately went off on another rant. Heh. This was the most fun he'd had all week.

"Do I have a problem with being tied to this bed like some 'Virgin Sacrifice'? Yes! The answer is emphatically yes and if you touch me I will find a way to kill you slowly. I'm a scientist. A brilliant scientist. I know how to do these things. And I'm hungry!" The rant ended with a snarl.

John casually popped a few more berries into his mouth and chewed. "So," he swallowed. "Are you a virgin?" he asked curiously.

"My God, are you the densest Evil Overlord in the Galaxy?!" Rodney shrieked. "Of course I'm not a virgin! I haven't been a virgin in a very long time! And again, not the point!"

John popped the last few berries and considered while he chewed. He knew he should really explain that McKay being tied to the bed was a misunderstanding and about, how, Lars and Larnack, old members of his squad, were notorious pranksters who had once filled their commanding officer's tooth cleaner with iridescent green permanent ink the day before an audience with the High Lord. Bastards. But anyway, McKay was a member of the group of people who were potential new allies. In fact he could be from the very Earth mentioned in the Prophecies. And he seemed to be a fairly important man among his people if the worry Ford expressed was any indication. He really should just politely explain the mix up, unshackle him and take him down to dinner. Especially since McKay seemed pretty obsessed with food.

Yeah, he really, really should.

"So, have you had sex with men?" He heard the words come out of his mouth and mentally winced. Well, he'd stop soon. Really. But, hey, this was the most fun he'd had in a long time. Being High Lord was a necessary job but not really high in the amusement factor.

McKay looked like he was going to give himself a stroke. "No! I have not!"

He then paused. "Well okay, actually yes," McKay admitted. "As it so happens, I do occasionally like men. But, if you must know, I mostly go for tall, blond, busty women." He then seemed to finally realize that calling the Gay Evil Overlord names like 'idiot' and 'dense' while tied to said Gay Evil Overlord's bed might not be the best strategy to stay undamaged.

"Well," he hastily backtracked. "Not that you aren't also attractive in an Evil Overlord way. I mean, I certainly don't mean to insult you but I'm not, well, I mean sometimes I am but I..."

John might have felt a little sorry for McKay as he floundered if he wasn't so entertained. Besides, anyone who could sound that irritated while essentially helpless had way too much ego to fall apart over a little teasing. "So you think I'm attractive," he drawled, deliberately focusing in on the one piece of McKay's babble as he poured himself a cup of jovash, drank some down, picked up a slice of the cake and bit into it. He'd missed lunch.

"No! Well, I mean yes," Rodney admitted. "Strictly speaking, from a purely aesthetic viewpoint, I suppose you're somewhat attractive. If you're taking the phi approach and everything, and, with the hair. But I'm not going to have sex with you!"

"Okay," John nodded agreeably, mumbling around the cake.

"Okay?" McKay immediately frowned in suspicion. "What do you mean okay? Oh," his eyes narrowed. "This is a trick isn't it? You're trying to trick me somehow!"

John snorted back a laugh. Gods, baiting this guy was just too easy. Okay, okay, time to stop being twelve. He straightened up and tried to look serious. "Doctor McKay, I'm not planning to ravish you," he reassured the other man. "In fact, you're even going to get fed tonight," he added wryly.

McKay, somehow, managed to take John's words the wrong way.

"Oh, so that's the plan," he scowled again. "You think you can bribe me with food for sexual favours." His face fell into the lines of a determined glare. "If you think I'm that weak you're just so wrong. Taunt me all you like, I will stand strong on my principles."

John stayed silent and just stared at his 'prisoner' in amazement. Okay, maybe this guy actually wanted to be ravished. He sure as hell had his mind on sex. Shaking his head he walked over to McKay where the scientist was lying rigid, refusing to look at John as he approached. John stuffed the rest of the cake into his mouth and reached for his key-wand, hanging from his belt. It was a master so it should be able to open the manacles binding McKay to the bed. He withdrew it and started to lean down when McKay suddenly whipped his head around, staring at John with such focused intensity that it froze John in place and sent a really interesting shiver tracing down his spine. Huh, John noticed absently, the scientist had pretty eyes.

McKay continued his intense glare. "I smell coffee," he accused.

John blinked. "What?"

"I smell coffee," McKay insisted, his eyes now zeroed in on John's mouth. His eyes widened in discovery. "Oh my God you've been drinking coffee."

"I've been drinking jovash," John answered warily, unsure what coffee was and why it seemed to be having some sort of hypnotic effect on Rodney McKay.

"You've been drinking coffee," McKay breathed out reverently, still fixating on John's mouth.

"No, I've been drinking jovash," John corrected.

"It's coffee," Rodney corrected.

John rolled his eyes. "Okay, fine. It's coffee."

"You have coffee on your planet," Rodney breathed to himself, the discovery seeming to stun him into silence. John could almost see the idea processing at supersonic speeds in McKay's brain. He was starting to get used to this guy. One thing for sure. The silence wasn't going to last.

McKay's gaze locked back onto John's, his brain apparently done processing. "Your planet has **coffee**," he repeated, the words 1/3 accusatory, 1/3 stunned and 1/3 ecstatic.

John frowned. Coffee. Huh. Considering, he turned and went back to the side table with the food. Ignoring the panicked "wait, wait! Where are you going? Your planet has coffee! You need to come back!" He poured another cup of the jovash and turned to see McKay eyeing it with a stare that the word avaricious just didn't do justice to. "Coffee," McKay moaned in desire and John felt his body respond in a very interested way. He flashed on a perfect mental picture of McKay moaning his name in exactly the same way.

"Coffee?" John asked indicating the cup he moved to hold below McKay's nose.

"Coffee," McKay agreed happily, half-moaning again in pleasure.

"Fond of the stuff are you," John half-smiled turning to put the cup on the bedside table.

"Wait! Bring the coffee back. Bring the coffee back to me," McKay protested.

"You're tied up and lying down," John pointed out in what he thought was a very reasonable manner. "If I try to give you the coffee before I free you it'll spill and burn you." He brought out the master wand again. "You can have some coffee when I let you go. Now look, I was trying to tell you earlier I'm going to..."

"Oh, I get it. This is your evil lure. Well, I won't do it," McKay's refusal sounded distracted. It could have been because his eyes were still fixed on the coffee.

John shook his head in disbelief. "Doctor McKay, I'm trying to tell you that I..."

"Well, maybe kissing," McKay suddenly announced, still looking at the coffee. "I'll do the kissing if you give me the coffee."

"What?" John must have misheard that.

"Just get it over with," McKay closed his eyes and waited. John could just somehow picture the thought process going through the other man's mind. _Coffee. Think of the coffee. Think of the coffee_.

He stared down at McKay. Maybe the guy was insane. Maybe Ford's job was to keep the insane scientist safe from himself and the rest of the galaxy safe from him.

Then again, maybe the guy just really liked his jovash. John wrestled with his conscience for about half a second. Uh huh. Really, if the guy was that easy over a cup of jovash...

Grinning, he moved onto the bed in one swift move, straddling McKay's prone body. The scientist immediately opened his eyes again issuing a panicked "What are you doing? I said kissing. This is not kissing!"

"I like the full body kiss," John informed McKay, leaning forward to settle himself against the other man, his lean and long build moulding to the stockier, softer frame of the scientist. He wasn't that heavy but he didn't want to cause the other man any physical discomfort so he put an elbow down on one side of McKay's head to take some of his weight off the guy. John looked down at the panicked expression of McKay and suppressed a smile when his thigh brushed against McKay's dick. At least one part of McKay's body seemed pretty happy to be near him. "Relax," he murmured, his eyes darkening as the press of body to body sent a hum of pleasure flowing through him. "It's just a kiss right?"

"Right," McKay whispered, eyeing John with a sort of panicked fascination. "Just a kiss."

John lowered his mouth towards McKay's and hesitated a brief second, hovering a whisper away, feeling the soft puff of breath from the other man's mouth. He pressed closer and their lips touched, gently at first, testing. McKay's lips were soft and firm and hot and set off tiny tendrils of desire floating through his body. Their lips parted and he slipped his tongue in, a question. He felt McKay stiffen for a brief instant at the intrusion before his own tongue hesitantly met John's, the kiss quickly becoming an enthusiastic duel. It was a long moment before they drew back simultaneously. They eyed each other silently with eyes gone dark and serious, the only sound their breathing.

"Uh," John hesitated, torn. He'd gone for McKay's offer because he'd found the snarky scientist amusing and attractive. He's been caught way the hell off guard by the intensity of the kiss. He wanted to kiss McKay again. Really badly. Actually, what he wanted was to strip off McKay's uniform, lick him up and down and then pretty much fuck him blind. He wanted to do that so badly that it unnerved him. Right. Time to end this portion of the evening before he did something that could start an interplanetary war.

In a swift motion he pulled the key wand from his pocket and swiped it over McKay's manacles. They fell open instantly. For a brief moment McKay lay unmoving, his hands staying up above his head, as if still bound, while his eyes studied John with the same intense expression he'd used when he was eyeing the coffee. Apparently coming to an internal decision he reached up with both hands to John's head and dragged John's mouth back down to his. This time there was nothing of tentativeness in the kiss. The two men lay body to body, their tongues exploring, sparring, taking turns dominating. They turned as one and were on their sides, legs sliding between each other, McKay's hands exploring beneath John's shirt, restlessly moving up and down the sleekly muscled back.

They both drew back at the same time and as they gasped for air studied each other in silence once more. McKay's eyes were dazed but they cleared suddenly as he gasped out "Ford, the others, are they..."

"They're fine," John reassured hastily, feeling his pulse racing restlessly through his body. "They're in guest rooms even. I was trying to tell you we're negotiating a peace treaty with your people. We're all supposed to have dinner tonight." He smiled wryly. "You're not a prisoner anymore, McKay, you're our guest." He reach down to lick the side of McKay's neck. "A really, really honoured guest," he muttered fervently, the words muffled against the other man's skin.

He glanced up and watched McKay, Rodney's, face as the other man took in his words. A strange gamut of emotions raced across Rodney's face before he suddenly frowned in concentration. "How much time do we have until dinner?"

John tossed a quick glance at the night clock, ticking next to the bed. "Uh, an hour. We've got a little less than an hour."

"And will there be coffee at this dinner?" The intense gaze was considering now.

"Buckets," John promised.

"Right then, stop talking and keep kissing," McKay yanked John's mouth back to his.

John could do that. He could so do that.

They were late to dinner. Between the sex, the shower, the sex in the shower, and the five cups of coffee Rodney insisted on drinking before they went up, John figured five minutes late was pretty damn good.

The end.


End file.
